Halloween Fun Recipe:
Creepy Old Lady Fingers
At Halloween time, pretending to eat body parts and other gory feats really set the mood. It’s a lot of fun to scare your family and friends!
With that in mind, I bring to you this weird and wacky recipe for creepy old lady fingers. The base of the recipe is actually a knock-off of those yummy biscuits you get at a well-known, nationally advertised, American seafood restaurant (think “Ted Lobster”). So with this recipe, you’re not only getting a yummy biscuit, you’re creating a delightfully gross accompaniment to a Halloween or pre-Halloween dinner. Life is grand!
Keep in mind, this recipe is a “light” version because my family doesn’t need so much butter. But the truth is, you could double the butter and make these things really sinful! Also, I use my trusty stand mixer when I bake, but you don’t need one. You can mix your recipe the old-fashioned way – with a spoon and cauldron! Muhahaha!
Here we go!
First, you want to put two cups of flour into a bowl. Nothing fancy, just your basic all purpose flour.
Making the Dead Rise – I mean – Bread Rise
For those new to the kitchen, the ingredients that cause bread, or in this case, biscuits to rise are called “leaveners”. Leaveners vary from recipe to recipe, each one with their own qualities and uses. They add air between the ingredient molecules, causing upward, outward expansion. It’s important that we use leaveners in bread or breadstuffs because otherwise, they would be flat and hard as a rock. That could be good if you’re making bricks, but not very tasty for our biscuits.
Today’s leaveners are . . . wait for it . . .
Baking powder and cream of tartar! The cream of tartar is a bit shy and turned its label around, so you’ll have to just take my word for it. It really is cream of tartar, which should not be confused with tartare, which is actually raw steak. And while chopped raw meat would make a Halloween recipe gross and horrifying, we do want to be alive on November 1st. So let’s stay inside the lines on this one and go with cream of tartar just like the recipe says.
Add the Other Ingredients
Alright, so you’ll add 1 tablespoon of baking powder and 1/2 t of cream of tartar to the bowl with the flour. You’ll also add 2 teaspoons of white, granulated sugar and 1/4 teaspoon of salt. Those ingredients are for taste – nothing like bread without sugar or salt. If you’ve ever tried it, it makes for a very bland, floury-tasting hockey puck. After that, you’ll add in the thyme and garlic. The granulated garlic and ground thyme add a zingy, herby-flavor to this recipe.
Next, you’ll add the wet ingredients, starting with the melted butter, then the milk
And now, for the thing that sets this recipe apart and really makes it yummy, you’ll add in the shredded cheese! Any yellow cheese will do, but sharp cheddar is probably best and more true to the actual way they make it in the restaurant. Myself, I happened to have some sharp cheddar on hand (thank you, Aldi), so went ahead and threw it in. 1/2 cup is the specified amount and you can wing it on the quantity. Just be sure you don’t overdo it. Between the cheese and the butter, these biscuits can turn out quite fattening! Besides, I’m sure all the fat will do something wicked to the biscuit as well.
(Gosh, my kitchen looks messy there. I am an industrious cook, but the space is not huge and I tend to get very into what I’m doing! I always clean up, though.)
Next, we’re going to mix the ingredients just until blended. You don’t need or want to over-mix or you might end up with some unsavory results.
Shaping the Old Lady (fingers, that is)
Once you’ve mixed the ingredients, you’ll want to prepare a baking sheet by spraying it with some cooking spray. Also, preheat your oven to 450 degrees F so it’s hot and ready to go. You’ll also need two spoons and a cup of water.
Here’s how to shape the fingers:
Drop spoonfuls of dough onto your cookie sheet. This recipe makes about a dozen biscuits, so you’ll have to eyeball how big you want your fingers to be.
Dunk your spoon into some water and shake off the excess. (I recommend doing this near the sink as it can get messy). Then, using one spoon on each side, take a biscuit and shape it into a log or in this case, a finger. Sorry folks, I don’t have pictures of this process as I was doing it myself and had spoons in both hands. But I can show you the finished biscuits, here:
There they are! Now I don’t claim to be an artist and I know my fingers don’t look too finger-like, but I know you have talent and can get these things shaped in a way that will make you proud. If not, no worries, because it’s the ‘finger NAIL” that’s the horrifying element. (OoOOoooOOO!)
The Dreaded Nail
Witches and creepy old ladies have long bloody finger nails, do they not? (Just shake your head up and down). To make these fingernails, we’ll need two items: pumpkin seeds and red food coloring.
Count the number of biscuits you ended up with. Place the same number of pumpkin seeds in a small bowl. Taking red food coloring, add a few drops to the seeds. Stir and mix until all seeds are well coated.
Spread them out and let them dry for a moment.
Once they are dry enough, position one nail into each biscuit, pointed side in – unless you like pointy fingernails, in which case, by all means turn them around. But push them into the dough so they are implanted, so to speak.
Once you’ve got all the nails into position, you can pop the fingers into the oven. Bake at 450 F for 10-15 minutes, watching closely towards the end of the cooking time. The cheese and butter in this recipe tends to make the biscuits burn on the bottom and if your baking sheets are dark, (like mine :blush:), you’re also prone to burning.
Now here’s a look at the finished product:
And there you go! That’s finger food with a twist . . . literally. And while they may not look exactly like fingers, they taste great. So experiment with the shape or just enjoy the recipe. The ingredients are below so you can give it a try.
Creepy Old Lady Fingers
- 2 cups flour
- 1 T baking powder
- 1/2 t cream of tartar
- 2 t sugar
- 1/4 t salt
- 1 t granulated garlic
- 1 t ground thyme
- 1/4 c butter, melted
- 1 c milk
- 1/2 c shredded yellow cheese
The Dreaded Nails
- Pumpkin seeds
- Red food coloring